oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
