woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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