It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize