Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
