I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
