just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
