found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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