Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
