my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
