ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize