Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
