so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
