Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
