I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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