First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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