i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
