Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
