is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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