New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
