i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
