I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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