I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize