I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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