Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize