I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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