You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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