The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
