I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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