i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize