Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
