Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
