All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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