im six kinds of drunk right now
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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