He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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