it's not cheating when I paid for it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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