So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
