so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
