Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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