Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
