you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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