I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
did you just send me my own nude
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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