so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
