Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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