cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
