it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
