you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
