In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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