Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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