I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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