I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
