That's intense
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
