miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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