bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
