So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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