No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
