there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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