The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
