Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
