So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
