MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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