i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
