I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
