I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
