i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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