All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize