we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
