So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
