When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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