So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
