Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
