I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
