We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
