just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
