Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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