i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
