I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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